Biggles the Babysitter

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Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 29 Apr 2018, 15:12

'Come in Bigglesworth,' Raymond invited. 'Help yourself to cigarettes. I've got a rather unusual proposition for you.'

'Oh?' asked Biggles, lighting a cigarette. 'What's that?'

Raymond steepled his fingers together.

'There is a Russian agent causing us some concern at the moment. He or she has a genius for finding out inconvenient information and passing it on so it can be used to embarrass the government. We haven't been able to get much of a lead on this person, but we are pretty sure that he or she has children and that they are somehow involved in this information gathering process. We are also pretty sure that they are living in Mount St. Rather than try to introduce a stranger to investigate this angle, it occurred to us that since you're actually on the spot, you might be the best person to use. What we are suggesting,' Raymond looked sternly at Biggles, 'is that you and your team advertise yourself locally as babysitters. This will give you access to a quite a number of potential suspects and at the very least allow us to whittle the list of possibles down. Human Resources are preparing your DBS certificates in readiness.'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Fairblue » 29 Apr 2018, 17:08

Biggles blinked. “I beg your pardon, sir?”
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 29 Apr 2018, 17:19

'It should be a nice little mission for you.' Raymond was enthusiastic. 'You were complaining about how uncomfortable all the places that you are sent to are. It will be a nice change for you to work from home.'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Fairblue » 29 Apr 2018, 17:25

“As babysitters? With all due respect, sir, we know absolutely nothing about children. Why not get a couple of WPC’s in we can liaise with? That’s much more believable than four grown blokes suddenly wanting to look after your kids. Besides, odds on is that we’ll already be known that we’re police. It’s not exactly a secret.”
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 29 Apr 2018, 18:24

'That is one of the reasons we think you will be successful,' Raymond explained. 'Parents will be delighted to leave their children with you because they know you are a policeman. Getting a responsible babysitter can very difficult. All you have to do is explain that you are bored when you are off duty and wanting to do something that will take you out of the house in the evenings and there will be queues for your services. In fact, Major Charles's daughter lives around the corner from you, and she would like one of you to start tonight.'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Fairblue » 29 Apr 2018, 18:35

“Major Charles’ daughter is not a Russian spy,” Biggles pointed out.
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 29 Apr 2018, 18:40

'I hope not.' Raymond sounded shocked at the thought. 'Major Charles's daughter has children. You can babysit for them. She will recommend you to other people, whom you will also babysit for and in the process of babysitting, you will find out which of the parents is our Russian spy. Nothing could be more straightforward for you. You know the sort of thing to look for and you can sleep comfortably in your own bed every night. It's a win-win situation.'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Fairblue » 29 Apr 2018, 19:43

“What about the fees?” Biggles asked cautiously. “Who gets to keep those?”
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 29 Apr 2018, 19:50

I don't suppose they'll amount to much. You'll have to declare them as income. Make sure they don't tip you into the next tax bracket.'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Fairblue » 29 Apr 2018, 20:12

It's hardly likely to do that," Biggles said confidently, with absolutely no idea of just how valuable a babysitter's time was, but pleased they could keep the proceeds. "It'll be divided by four, anyway."
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 29 Apr 2018, 20:22

Biggles briefed the rest of his team in the office.

'Don't, no matter what, agree to babysit for Tanqueray,' Algy said hastily. 'His mother has modern ideas on raising him. Like never saying 'no' and letting him do whatever he wants. No matter what she offers. It's not worth it.'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby tiffinata » 29 Apr 2018, 20:50

"But what if she's the spy?" Biggles pointed out.
'....you cannot flout Nature with impunity. Treat Nature with respect, and she will tolerate you, even encourage you; but treat her with contempt, and your days are numbered.' Hits the Trail
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 29 Apr 2018, 20:53

Algy shuddered. 'Let's get every other person in London eliminated first. Tanqueray really is that obnoxious.'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Fairblue » 29 Apr 2018, 22:08

"Nonsense. A firm hand is all that's needed."
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 29 Apr 2018, 22:13

'She'll put in an official complaint with the Child Protection people if you so much as raise your eyebrows at him,' Algy warned. 'Half the teachers at his infant school are suspended, pending investigation. And she's a lawyer.'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Fairblue » 29 Apr 2018, 22:50

"What's the family name?" Biggles asked curiously.
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 29 Apr 2018, 23:23

Algy told him. 'But I don't think she can be our spy,' he added triumphantly, 'as no one will invite Tanqueray to play with their children and he's barred from most of the local activities.'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Fairblue » 29 Apr 2018, 23:25

"No," conceded Biggles, "his mother would want all the contacts she could get. Ah well, ee've better get organised.We need a wall calendar for a start."
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 29 Apr 2018, 23:37

Algy produced a family planner he'd been given for Christmas, he hoped as a joke although he wasn't quite sure. It had four columns, headed 'Daddy,' 'Mummy,' 'Big sprog' and 'sproglet' next to some whimsical pictures of family life. Biggles produced a marker pen and altered the headings. The pictures he couldn't do much about, though he suspected all the people in them would sport handsome moustaches by morning.
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Fairblue » 29 Apr 2018, 23:51

"We must keep this up to date," Biggles declared. "Ginger, you can be our secretary. We need to make careful notes of who asks for our services. I don't want to see any double-bookings or forgotten ones. If we're doing this job we're going to do it properly."
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 30 Apr 2018, 00:01

He found some index cards. 'I better advertise our services in the newsagents. 'Trustworthy babysitters available in the Mount St area,' he wrote. 'Contact Biggles, Algy, Bertie or Ginger for details on ....' I can't believe anyone in their right mind will contact us,' he sighed, 'but Raymond seems to think it will work.'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Fairblue » 30 Apr 2018, 00:08

"We're going to be the laughing stock of the Yard," Algy muttered, "not to mention the Aero Club. I only hope Wilks and my mother don't get to hear of it."
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 30 Apr 2018, 00:22

Biggles agreed glumly. He looked at his watch. 'Time to go. Anyone know what Major Charles's daughter is called or anything about the children?'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Fairblue » 30 Apr 2018, 09:47

Everyone shook their heads. Biggles sighed. "Oh, well, she knows the score so I suppose it's not going to be too embarrassing."
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 30 Apr 2018, 12:44

They decided that to all turn up would be overwhelming, and really there was no need. Biggles could go and brief the others on how it had been the next day. In the unlikely event of him needing help, he could phone and one of the others would pop along.It was only just along the street, after all.
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Fairblue » 30 Apr 2018, 13:02

In the event, everything went very well indeed. Wendy had greeted him at the door and introduced him to his two charges, Franny, aged three and Dominic, 18 months. Both children were ready for bed and Wendy announced she would take them up before she left. They fell asleep almost instantly and Biggles has nothing to do but keep an ear out and watch a documentary on the television. At the end of the evening he was paid a sum which made him blink, but Wendy assured him was the going rate.

"I really don't see what all the fuss is about," He told the others who were waiting up for him when he got home. "This has to be one of the easiest assignments we've ever been given."
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 30 Apr 2018, 13:24

The whole of the first week was money for jam. A PTA meeting on the Tuesday had them all booked, with disappointed would-be clients groaning that they had missed out. The children were small, well mannered, well behaved and went to sleep early. The mothers made sure the men knew where the tea was, and provided a generous plate of snacks each time.

'I've been in the wrong career,' Biggles said on Saturday night, stuffing another handful of notes into the goldfish bowl used to hold their petty cash and parking change, before marking up the night's information on his complicated chart showing the connections between all the families they had so far met and adding to his dossier of information on each household.
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Fairblue » 30 Apr 2018, 17:24

"It certainly looks like it," Algy remarked as he stretched his legs out in front of the fire. "All mod cons and no baddies to take pot shots at you."
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Kismet » 30 Apr 2018, 19:09

On Monday they received a phone call from a rather apologetic man.

'It's not quite babysitting,' he said in the well modulated tones of a gentleman, 'but Sam's in Hong Kong and he will be for at least another couple of weeks, and I've to fly to Milan tonight to sign some paperwork and there's no one available to take the boys to rugby practice. I'd make it worth your while.'
'Major Bigglesworth' said Von Stalhein coldly, 'there are times when I seriously wonder if you were created by the devil just to annoy me.'
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Re: Biggles the Babysitter

Postby Fairblue » 30 Apr 2018, 19:24

"I think we can manage that,sir," Biggles said politely. "In fact, one of my staff is an excellent Rugby player and would be delighted to take your boys."
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